A Christmas for the broken families

I arrived at home after a wholesome to goodness hangout with my high school friends only to find out that my mom has her own "party" going on at our house.

Based on my experience, any party within our house organized my mom will ALWAYS end up as a DISASTER...

DISASTER meaning she and my dad fighting in the end... with the screaming and the loud screeching of the tires of a car... doors slamming... my siblings silently crying.

and you know what, this time around...

I'M ALWAYS RIGHT...

Before the "bomb" exploded I already told my brother...

"Magtago ka na... malapit na umuwi ang mga bisita... may World War na uli mamaya"

And I sure was NOT wrong about it.

Just minutes ago I heard them screaming outside our house.

It was 2 in the morning.

They were as always fighting about my mom losing money to her greedy child of a demon sister ERNA (to hell with her!) and rumbling on and on and on how my dad "supposedly" have another woman... then with my dad taking over the company and stuffs from the past.

My dad emotionally beaten with the long history he had persevere to put the company back together... I know... unintentionally hurt my mom.

You know in the episodes that I had with my parents I never did once had the courage to face them while they're fighting...

the reasons:

THEY NEVER LISTEN...

THEY ALWAYS TELL "YOU ARE JUST MY DAUGHTER!"

THEY'VE HURT EACH OTHER SOOO MUCH THERE'S NO POINT OF FINDING THE REAL CAUSE OF THE FIGHT...

THEY SIMPLY CAN'T STAND TO BE WITH EACH OTHER

I'M SIMPLY TOO AFRAID...

TOO EMOTIONALLY TAKEN...

I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT MYSELF STRONG...

I'VE ALWAYS HATED CRYING IN FRONT OF THEM.

I'VE BOTH HATED THEM.


I have no happy childhood memories of my family being together. There never was. I simply detached myself from them... ran away and hid in my room.

It has always been like that.

People would probably tell that this is just every teenager's problem.

Parents always believe that they know the best... that no matter what they do you'll forever have to respect them... respect them even if:

They drink themselves to insanity.

They don't fulfill promises.

They don't say "I love you"

When they really tried to KILL each other in front of you with your dad holding the knife to his neck...

When they always think maliciously of each other...

When everyone ELSE is at fault.

When they can't get over the past... always bringing up things that they know hurts you.

When they simply don't say anything after you worked your ass of to achieve an award...


I don't understand that why is it that I have the ever lasting obligation to show respect to these people... are parents under a monarchical position that just because they had sex and had you as their child you totally have to respect them?

People work so hard to the gain respect of another person... but as parents they could just do all that and they expect you to RESPECT them...

RESPECT is not something given...
It is gained... you work to earn it...
I don't believe that as parents you are excused for your behaviors and still demand a great utter respect despite of all...

You know the problem with my parents is that:

my mom is so malicious of everybody... of everything... she felt betrayed by her pig sister ERNA curse her to hell...

She always think that my dad's family is all against her... that actually my aunt whom she despises... asks every time I see her how my mom is... that every time I see this aunt... she'll always remind me to keep respecting my mom and be UNDERSTANDABLE...

And yet my mom says all the meanest things about her...
How could you believe your mom when you could really feel the sincerity of your aunt? How could you hate such a person? How do you choose who to believe and respect?

With my friends, I don't really respect those who talks all day long ill of another...

so why is it that such rule cannot apply to parents? When you have so high of a standard for friends and for other people... why is it that parents are infallible?

My dad... I confronted him years ago if he really has another... and he said "None" in front of me and my sister... and I believed him.

I try to.

I tried...

I do...

My mom made it so unbearable to make him stay at home...

but recently he went to Hong Kong and I called him... I didn't know he was there... and it was the first time... that I asked him where he was... that...

He HESITATED before answering my question.

I... Hate infidelity.
and yet...

I hate men leaving a woman for another. I cheaters. I hate adulterers. I hate mistresses. I hate "queridas". I hate 3rd parties.
and yet....
he always:

Fulfill his promises.

Supports my crazy projects and my studies.

provides everything I need.

and...

After all of the things that happened with him and my mom... he still reprimanded me for DISRESPECTING my mom the last time I did...

How in the hell will you hate a person who tries so hard to make things feel so good for you?

Is one mistake, if ever he really does, make all the good things seem unworthy?

"Till death do us apart" - SCREW IT!

Who will you believe?

Secrets. Past mistakes.

I don't know.

It's just that tonight... I really had it all... I'm so fed up with everything...

Tonight I finally spoke.

Tomorrow is Christmas day.

My birthday.

And it sucks.


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